Blessings sisters and thank you for the powerful New Moon Call last night. In following through with what we spoke about last night I am transmuting all this pain, exhaustion and stress and invite you to dance with me on a 7 week journey to creativity, laughter, joy, replenishment, nurturance, beauty, pleasure and possibility before my 40th birthday. Due to birthday trauma and a lot of unhealed wounds including colonial and patriarchal programming about worthiness through suffering and martyrdom I avoided my birthday and though i cared for many, like so many of our sisters here... I often gave and gave while exhausted and depleted and ignored my own advice.
As my daughter is 13, I want to break generational curses about suffering in silence. As I poured her tea tonight, she told me a story for the first time: "When I was in 3rd grade, I was at my Auntie's house and tried to speak up and use my voice to state my needs. She said "I'm the grown up so don't question me." I told her "well, my Mommy is my friend and I'm always allowed, encouraged even to share what I'm feeling." Then she said something that shocked me... Auntie said "Well this is my house and my rules. I am not your cousin's friend. I am his mom and he doesn't get a say in it. I am his mom and not his friend. We will never be friends." And then I felt immediately uncomfortable around her and never wanted to go over their house again even though they had money and cool stuff. I like that you are my friend and I can trust you with my feelings. Especially now that I'm changing and it's my moontime and I don't have to hide who I am or what I'm going through. And you can help me to feel relaxed and cared for so I can rest on my moontime."
I've been reflecting on this deeply, trying to figure out when did life become so exhausting and maybe it was when I was a 13 year old girl realizing that I was not listened to. It is exhausting to continually be unheard. I see how my child is not embarrassed nor avoidant of love, creativity, nourishment and care and I believed deeply with all of my heart and my soul that our grandmothers did not want us to suffer. That they wanted us to feel joy and experience more from life with reverence to nature. I want to listen to my sacral chakra and wombspace and be in community where our stories and our painful truths and longings for pleasure and possibility are believed and beloved. I want to break these generational curses for all my grandmothers before me and for all my seeds and their seeds who come after me.
I almost doubted myself and didn't share this…. but i'm speaking from the heart in hopes that it reaches you... especially if you are weary. As an ofrenda I am offering 3 replenishment filled info sessions on Friday - October 8th, Saturday - October 9th, and Wednesday - October 13th. May the potency of this Libra New Moon bless you with Beauty, Balance and the Harmony we need at this important time.
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In gratitude and trust,
Rossa